sexuallyconfuses: (teeth grit)
Haruka Tenoh ([personal profile] sexuallyconfuses) wrote2016-06-03 01:04 pm

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Everything's kind of a blur: the battle, the pain ripping through flesh, the grail's blinding glow, and the way back home, after. It all happened at such a dizzying whirlwind-speed, and the two of them could do nothing but be swept along, images and sensations and sounds smeared together to near-incomprehension.

It's only when Haruka steps into their apartment at last, and finds it just the way they'd left it, that her mind can begin to process.

It's only been a day, hasn't it? And it's as though nothing had happened at all. The light of the waxing moon filters in through the window, coating the room in gentle, peaceful silver, with not a single thing out of place. When she looks over to Michiru beside her, her skin is whole and unmarred save, at worst, for a few scraps and light bruises.

It's quiet. A single car sweeps by in the empty street below.

Haruka isn't hurting, either -- the steady pump of adrenaline has kept a solid barrier between her mind and body, but even now, as it begins to wear, the only sensation to seep in is a soreness in her muscles. Her hands ball into fists, as if to reaffirm the realness of it: fingers squeezing against palm, then loosening. Squeezing, and loosening.

Her eyes have yet to leave Michiru's face.

They're both alive. Michiru is alive. Michiru is right here by her side, not pinned to the wall by limp arms and legs, not ambling towards her in a cloud of smoke pouring from dozens and dozens of bullet holes, not crumpled into a broken bloodied heap on the floor, not--

Haruka's chest seizes up, a surge of panic uncoiling where before there was nothing but warm, airy relief. Suddenly she can't remember how to breathe at all -- her head flashes hot, her legs are nailed through to the floor -- and it's a stumbling struggle of half a step forward until her fingers can hook into Michiru's shoulder, pulling her hard against her chest.

Haruka's arms are as rigid as iron poles, and they are trembling.
refined: (046 ▎)

[personal profile] refined 2016-06-04 11:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Michiru's eyebrows knit together, even as she brings one hand up to rest over Haruka's— not to pry it away, but to touch her fingers to the back of it, carefully.

"Of course I did!" Something— frustration, maybe— is leaking into her tone, now. She still can't bring herself to look Haruka in the eye. "You wouldn't have been able to bear this, if I hadn't."

Because Haruka had been too soft for her own good, at first. She's certain that, without that promise, she wouldn't have been able to fulfill her duty as a soldier. How it would've happened, Michiru doesn't know— but she's sure it would've been inevitable.

"Is that what you would have wanted?"
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[personal profile] refined 2016-06-05 07:13 am (UTC)(link)
Michiru's fingers curl around Haruka's tightly, and she sighs. Her features smooth out, then, slowly but surely, and she lifts her head to look at Haruka.

"If we hadn't made that promise, would you have been able to turn a blind eye if I were hurt?"

Would you have tried to protect me, is what she wants to ask— and her tone, serious as it is, might say as much— but she's making an effort not to twist that particular knife. She's well aware of how hypocritical this is of her, anyway: making Haruka promise to leave her behind, but being so unwilling to do the same.
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[personal profile] refined 2016-06-05 05:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Something like hurt flashes briefly across Michiru's face, but she lets her hand drop to her side.

When was the last time Haruka pulled away from her like that?

"I was fine with it."

There are plenty of things she isn't fine with— hurting innocent people for the sake of their mission, having to keep Usagi and her friends at an arm's length, allowing Haruka to get tangled up in this mess in the first place. Keeping Haruka safe doesn't fall under that umbrella, though, and it never has.

"Does it bother you that much?"
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[personal profile] refined 2016-06-05 10:15 pm (UTC)(link)
There's no fear in Michiru's expression, even now— even as Haruka is stepping away from her. She does have to tear her eyes away, though; the look on her face stings more than she could've imagined, and it's hard to stay impassive when she's looking at something like that.

"It isn't that simple."

Her hands fold together, and she squeezes. This is a conversation she hoped they'd never need to have. But then, she hadn't anticipated that they'd be the ones to hold the talismans, either.

"I intended to uphold my end of it for as long as I could."
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[personal profile] refined 2016-06-06 01:00 am (UTC)(link)
Michiru's lips purse and her eyebrows draw together. She wants to reach out, to steady Haruka's hand— but how well will that work, when she's as angry as she is?

She takes a tentative step toward her, regardless.

"I suppose it was."

Haruka had still ended up hurt, hadn't she? She had still died, and everything Michiru had put her through was— not for nothing, necessarily, but it hadn't done much good. The stab of guilt she feels is, for once, written across her face, even if it's only for a brief moment.

"If I say I won't do it again, will you be satisfied?"

Even she isn't sure if she'll be able to make good on something like that— and she won't take back what she's done so far— but if the offer will make Haruka feel better, then...
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[personal profile] refined 2016-06-06 11:20 pm (UTC)(link)
When it's clear Haruka isn't moving, at least for the moment, Michiru steps closer still.

"I was only ever trying to do the right thing."

Her hand moves to cover Haruka's, and she makes an attempt at pulling it away from the wall. This isn't a touch that's meant to soothe either of them, even if she selfishly wishes that it could; right now, she's curling her fingers around Haruka's with a more practical purpose in mind.

Her eyes are focused elsewhere as she continues:

"I wonder... Do you hate me for it?"

The word feels uncomfortable on her tongue, and she hesitates, just barely, as it leaves her mouth.

The breath she takes to steady herself is shaky.
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[personal profile] refined 2016-06-07 12:38 am (UTC)(link)
Michiru's fingers slide between Haruka's slowly, like it's a test. Is she allowed to do something like that, even as Haruka is calling her selfish, calling her actions cruel?

"I won't." She sounds more resolute, now. "And you won't be reckless, either."

It's a fair compromise, isn't it? She won't make decisions like that on her own, and Haruka won't give her a reason to.
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[personal profile] refined 2016-06-07 02:15 am (UTC)(link)
Even if Haruka isn't reciprocating, Michiru keeps her hand where it is. The clamminess of her palm doesn't bother her, so long as she's allowed to hold on like this.

"I can, if you'll do the same." Her response comes easily enough, even if the look on Haruka's face makes her stomach churn. An expression like that doesn't suit her, and Michiru's free hand curls in on itself.

She wants to brush her fingers against the curve of Haruka's cheek, as if that'd be enough to wipe it away. She settles for holding onto her hand a little tighter.
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[personal profile] refined 2016-06-07 04:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Michiru's hand curls tighter as Haruka pulls away from her, and her nails bite into her palm. It's what she's saying that makes ice begin to take root in the pit of her stomach, though.

"That's ridiculous!" She's raising her voice, now, and the realization makes her purse her lips. She doesn't want to yell, doesn't like how petulant it makes her sound.

So, she swallows around the lump in her throat and tries again.

"You can't ask me to promise that I won't make decisions on my own, and then say something like that."

That she deserves to die, if she makes a mistake. The thought makes Michiru's mouth twist into a frown.
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[personal profile] refined 2016-06-07 09:28 pm (UTC)(link)
"I know that!" With her prior outburst out of the way, it's easier for Michiru to keep her voice down. There's an obvious, raw edge to it that she can't quite stamp out, but that will come eventually.

She draws in another shaky breath, and then continues:

"But I would appreciate it, still, if you wouldn't say things like that."

She looks away, toward the now-chipped paint on the wall. She might not have any right to ask for something like that, but— she doesn't want to hear Haruka talk about dying, or think about her being hurt. She had said it so easily that it almost sounded inevitable, and the thought alone is enough to make Michiru feel like someone has a vice grip on her heart.
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[personal profile] refined 2016-06-07 10:14 pm (UTC)(link)
"I suppose it does."

It takes her a moment to school her expression back into something neutral, but then she's turning to look at Haruka again; the uncomfortable feeling in her gut still hasn't settled.

Is that even a question worth asking, is what Michiru wants to say, but what comes out instead is:

"Were you under the impression that I wouldn't care if you got yourself killed?"

Surely Haruka, of all people, should know better than that.
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[personal profile] refined 2016-06-07 11:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Michiru stays put, keeps her eyes trained on Haruka's face. It might be easy to reach out to her now, to take her hand again, but she won't. How many times has Haruka pulled away from her, today?

"I only thought you'd be able to bear it."

Not that she wouldn't care— but that Haruka, who has taken to their mission so well, would be able to handle it if she were given enough time.

"Do you intend to tell me that I was wrong?"

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